"BLUE" JIMMY: CHRISTMAS CELEBRANT
BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA
BD OZZY: Do I still get presents?!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Yeah, why not! But lets find out where these traditions came from. Apparently, people in the ancient Western World liked to party and being close to nature, would celebrate the beginning of every season as well as honoring any god or deity associated with that season. So of course, the Winter solstice was one of those party occasions that the ancients celebrated and with it came many of the Christmas traditions, symbols and objects that we still use today such as the Christmas tree, the yule log, mistletoe, holiday wreaths, gift giving, merry making and a host of other customs which alarm the living s**t out of many Christian people who have spent much time producing articles, books and videos that condemn the pagan origins of this godforsaken holiday. Such was the fervor of early Christmas celebrants that people sought to pass laws against celebrating Christmas for fear that it was just an excuse to engage in all sorts of un-Christianlike debauchery.
BD OZZY: Like getting drunk in your underwear and yelling "GO LAKERS!" through your guitar amp pointed at the neighbor's window?
"BLUE" JIMMY: OK, let's not get into that...
BD OZZY: And that time with the blow-up doll...
"BLUE" JIMMY: OK, back to the story. One of the craziest theories about Christmas I ever heard is the idea that the custom of having a tree and brightly wrapped presents underneath derives from the fact that in the wild, hallucinogenic Amanita Muscaria mushrooms grow underneath pine trees. These "magic mushrooms" are bright red and white in color and the Siberian shamans who would go out and harvest them would dress in red and white fur-lined robes and put them in sacks and would then deliver them to people by climbing down the smokestack of people's huts since their doors were covered with snow. People would then hang these mushrooms about their house to dry like decorations and then when they would eat them they would be in a well, festive mood. Reindeer would also eat these mushrooms out in the wild and would behave in a jolly manner and would have the sensation of flying.
BD OZZY: Wait, all this sounds familiar!
"BLUE" JIMMY: You bet it does! And then there's the theory that S-A-N-T-A is an anagram of the word S-A-T-A-N.
BD OZZY: Oh, S**T!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Go and do the research, there's a lot more to Christmas than most people think. But whatever the true origins of Christmas are, it's evolved to the point where most people just see it as a time of year to be good to one another -- and with all the hate in the world these days, I'm all for that, brother. Happy Holidays, peoples! Go out and do something good for someone.
BD OZZY: Amen!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BD OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
BD OZZY: Like getting drunk in your underwear and yelling "GO LAKERS!" through your guitar amp pointed at the neighbor's window?
"BLUE" JIMMY: OK, let's not get into that...
BD OZZY: And that time with the blow-up doll...
"BLUE" JIMMY: OK, back to the story. One of the craziest theories about Christmas I ever heard is the idea that the custom of having a tree and brightly wrapped presents underneath derives from the fact that in the wild, hallucinogenic Amanita Muscaria mushrooms grow underneath pine trees. These "magic mushrooms" are bright red and white in color and the Siberian shamans who would go out and harvest them would dress in red and white fur-lined robes and put them in sacks and would then deliver them to people by climbing down the smokestack of people's huts since their doors were covered with snow. People would then hang these mushrooms about their house to dry like decorations and then when they would eat them they would be in a well, festive mood. Reindeer would also eat these mushrooms out in the wild and would behave in a jolly manner and would have the sensation of flying.
BD OZZY: Wait, all this sounds familiar!
"BLUE" JIMMY: You bet it does! And then there's the theory that S-A-N-T-A is an anagram of the word S-A-T-A-N.
BD OZZY: Oh, S**T!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Go and do the research, there's a lot more to Christmas than most people think. But whatever the true origins of Christmas are, it's evolved to the point where most people just see it as a time of year to be good to one another -- and with all the hate in the world these days, I'm all for that, brother. Happy Holidays, peoples! Go out and do something good for someone.
BD OZZY: Amen!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BD OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
