KRAMPUS: CHRISTMAS PUNISHER OF NAUGHTY CHILDREN

"BLUE" JIMMY:  HOLIDAY HISTORIAN

POPULAR 1800's DEPICTION OF KRAMPUS

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Everyone knows the Santa Claus myth and how it is derived from stories about the actual historical, Greek Bishop of Myra known as Saint Nicholas, the British Father Christmas and the Dutch/Belgian holy man known as Sinterklaas as well as other Winter gift givers whom children in the Western World look forward to seeing at this time of year.  A common theme among all these merry men is that they give gifts and treats to good children.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  But what about the naughty ones? ... You don't hear so much about that!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You often hear that naughty children get a lump of coal in their stockings instead of treats.  But for poor people in 19th century Europe, coal was something pretty valuable.  It was like a consolation prize for not-so-good kids.  But the really naughty kids got a visit from Krampus, the chained, demon assistant of Santa Claus who is a long standing tradition in European Winter celebrations.  Krampus, who is often depicted as a black demon with one cloven hoof and one human foot and carrying a basket on his back, was said to flog children with a bundle of sticks, drown them, eat them or carry them to Hell.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Oh, B**ch!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  This myth, which is common in European Christmas celebrations, is mostly absent in American festivities. 

SINTERKLAAS CELEBRATION FEATURING KRAMPUS CHARACTERS

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Because Americans always got to f**k with everything!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  But he is part of the whole Christmas tradition whether people find him pleasant or not.  It only makes sense that if good kids get rewarded, there has to be punishment for the bad ones.  A more toned-down version of Santa's assistant is Black Peter or Zwarte Piet, who since the 1800's, is depicted as a black-skinned man in festive Renaissance clothing who is the servant of the various versions of Santa Claus.  Of course, in modern politically correct times, the idea of a black man serving a white man has stirred some controversy and there have been some protests in European countries calling for a change in his appearance.  Yet, no one is protesting the image of a demon torturing children and dragging them to Hell!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  People are f**ked up!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  So there you have it!  When you tell your kids the Santa Claus story, don't tell 'em only half ... tell 'em the whole thing!  And when they complain and whine that they didn't get the exact toy they wanted on Christmas morning, recite this joyous holiday poem ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  "When you sit by the fire on a frosty Yuletide night, the Christmas tree aglow and gleaming with light, Mother in the kitchen all fragrant with treats, and all kindred gather and hug and do meet, tell the tale of the Krampus and with it, much woe ... FOR STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL ... do naughty children go!!!"  -- "Krampus" by Blind Dog Ozzy

"BLUE" JIMMY & BLIND DOG OZZY:  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and may all your holiday wishes come true!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
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HELL OF A HALLOWEEN!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  HALLOWEINER

BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  People often ask me why I celebrate Halloween so enthusiastically.  "Do you want to be a kid again?" they ask.  "Do you like costumes and candy?"  they ask again, before they get an earful from the MASTER OF HALLOWEEN!!!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And that one guy at the Halloween store who got an elbow to the throat!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The lowdown is, Halloween is the most ancient holiday celebrated in the Western World.  Before kids came knockin' at yer door looking for a Snickers Bar, this time of year was celebrated by The Ancient Ones as the end of the lunar year.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The New Year's Rockin' Eve for those ancient people who were close to the earth and followed seasonal cycles!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Ancient people developed the idea that on the the last day of the year, barriers between this world and the next were lifted and it was considered prime time for divination, fortune telling and necromancy ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Communication with the dead!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Ancestor worship is common in many parts of the world and people go apes**t at this time of year to honor The Dead.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Dude, don't go to East L.A. this time of year! ... People put on that Dia de Los Muertos makeup all over their face and remind me of my Tia Marta with a hangover!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  All Halloween traditions such as putting on costumes, playing pranks, trick or treating and doing scary s**t have origins that date at least to the middle ages or further.  Here's a few Halloween traditions that aren't so kiddie - like in origin:     

•  Scary costumes -- Since people believed that souls of dead people were passing through this world on the way to the next, putting on scary masks and costumes were thought to repel annoying, unwanted spirits from around your house -- Who wants a bunch of dead people hanging around?
• Jack o' lanterns -- A man named Jack tricks and then makes a deal with Satan to never take his soul, so upon his death, he was too wicked to go to heaven and couldn't go to hell so Satan made him wander this world holding a lantern made from a turnip with a burning coal from Hell inside.
• Witches flying on brooms -- Actual witches were experts on the use of medicinal herbs and plants and would produce an ointment from the toxic belladonna plant which would produce the sensation of flying if absorbed into the mucus membranes.  The best way to do this was to smear the ointment on a broomstick and straddle it and allow the hallucinogenic ointment to absorb into the witch's vagina.  Thus, the image of a witch straddling a broomstick and "flying."  

 BLIND DOG OZZY:  WTF!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The point is, Halloween did not originate as a harmless kiddie holiday but has deep, ancient, strange and exotic origins and continues to evolve and add various practices to this day -- There is a sense that anything can happen on this night!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And if you scare the s**t out of the neighborhood kids good enough and they're afraid to come into your yard, you have lots of leftover candy for yourself!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!  And Happy Halloween!!!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
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MAGNETIC GIRLS AND STRONG MEN!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  INVESTIGATOR OF THE BIZARRE

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

LULU HURST

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I hope nobody came to this blog expecting anything of a ... ahem, risque'  nature! ... "MAGNETIC GIRLS AND STRONG MEN!!!"  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  DUDE, I have a Beta video tape from the 80's with that same title!  I think it had Tracy Lords! ...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  No, no, no, this article deals with young girls in the late 1800's who turned the scientific community on it's head with demonstrations of paranormal powers!!!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Yeah, ... right! ... (wink, wink!).  

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The whole s**t started with a young girl named Lulu Hurst in the late 1800's, who started giving demonstrations in the Southern and Eastern United States of  "magnetic powers" where in an entertaining sideshow, she was able to lift men off the floor, toss them about the stage and defy their strength in incredible ways.  She toured  the United States and Europe and performed in front of  aristocrats, royalty and MEN OF SCIENCE who were amazed and unable to explain her abilities.   

   

BLIND DOG OZZY:  !!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  She quickly became one of the most famous people in America and like anyone who comes across a good thang and starts makin' cash, she spawned many imitators who not only stole her act but even her name!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Thieving  b***ches!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The most successful of these was probably the teen-aged Dixie Haygood (aka Annie Abbot)  who at one performance, happened to encounter The Great Eugene Sandow in the audience (who billed himself as THE WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN)  and proceeded to  make him look like a weakling!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Man, that's embarrassing!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  These girls all claimed that they possessed supernatural or "magnetic" powers which they somehow mysteriously acquired when they were children.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I could lick my under parts when I was 3!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  These girls fooled many people, became famous and made a lot of money but they were eventually exposed as frauds by none other than early practitioners of the martial arts of which there were only a  handful in Europe and America at the turn of the 20th Century.  Chief among these were practitioners of Jui Jitsu, a Japanese martial art which utilizes joint locks, throws  and choke holds which was developed in times of war where punching and kicking were ineffective due to the body armor worn by warriors.  

ARMORED WARRIORS

BLIND DOG OZZY:  You had to throw muthas to the ground and break their bones and choke them!!!  

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Martial artists like these recognized that the "supernatural" feats these girls displayed were really the work of  leverage and center of gravity techniques martial artists had been using for centuries which allowed a small person to defeat a larger person in combat.  One of these was E. W. Barton - Wright (1860 - 1951), who studied Jui jitsu in Japan and developed a martial art he called "Bartitsu."  

E.W. BARTON - WRIGHT'S BARTITSU

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Which is the martial art Sherlock Holmes uses in the books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the films starring Robert Downey Jr. -- Hiiii Yaaaaa!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Many expos'es were written (some of which still remain in print to this day) but most accounts say that the girls remained as popular as ever just because people wanted to see for themselves what these girls were doing.  This in itself, is a strange phenomenon.  Today, there is almost no magic trick which hasn't been explained in print or shown on YouTube yet, people still flock to magic shows because they ... 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  ... Got to see it for themselves! ... Ohhhhh!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I call this the COGNITIVE DISSONANCE RUSH  whereby, people who have a certain value, idea or belief  are confronted with contradictory information which blows their mind -- and they enjoy it!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Less discriminating people refer to it as a MINDF**K! 

 "BLUE" JIMMY:  Word is, that the novelty eventually wore off and audiences became less cooperative until the girls had to cancel tours and retire.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Just when things was getting good!!!

"BLUE"  JIMMY:  The point is that we as humans, want to believe that people have talents, abilities, powers that are beyond the norm and we cheer them on like our kids at their Little League game no matter how badly they do!  I think this is a good thing!  I'm all about human potential!  I believe we do have these powers, but we have to sift through the frauds, fakes, con artists and bulls**ters to find the real gems who really got these abilities!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And I'm pretty sure it ain't the lady behind the 7- Eleven with the scary statue of Santa Muerte in her window ... F**k!!!
  
"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com

APOPHENIA: SCIENTIFIC KILLJOY OF THE PARANORMAL

"BLUE" JIMMY:  PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Have you ever thought of someone you haven't seen for awhile and they suddenly drive by and wave to you in traffic?  Or what about when a psychic spits out some random information and it feels like they're telling you your life story?  Have you ever been using the hairdryer  and you think you hear the phone ring when it ain't?  Or what about when you look at the wood grain on a door or something and you see a demonic face and the number 666?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I once saw the image of Santo Nino de Atocha in a burned tortilla!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  These are all examples of apophenia, or your mind's tendency to find meaning in random events or data.

BLIND DOG  OZZY:  And it's a pain in the ass for paranormal investigators like us!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I'm the PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR,  He just pees on everything.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  It could help.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The lowdown is that when your mind looks for something, it tends to find it.  Let's do a little experiment here!  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  F**K YEAH!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  How many times have you saved a little money in the bank and you decide you want to buy something you been wantin'.  Guys, it might be a certain automobile you been dreamin' of and now, every time you pull up to a stoplight, you see that same car right next to you.  And girls, say you had your eyes on a certain outfit you saw in the store ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Now every b**ch in the club got that same outfit on ... OH!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  It may seem like Sinister Forces are at work here but what is really happening is that your attention has shifted and you are seeing things that were always there but you never noticed before because your attention was focused elsewhere.  What about all the thousand other times you thought of someone and they never appeared?  What about the thousand other details of your life the psychic guessed at before they got two or three right?  And in a series of random visual patterns, you can pretty much see anything you want.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  A list of  practices that exploits apophenia includes:  tarot cards;  ouija boards; palmistry; astrology; numerology; I ching; iridology; reflexology and applied kinesiology.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  These practices may be valid and have use but because of their esoteric nature, can be readily exploited by con artists and mumbo jumbo types down at the corner juke joint.   

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I lost a wad of money down there!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Speaking of that, apophenia also plays a part in the cognitive illusion known as gambler's fallacy.  This is where good folks think that by knowing the past, they can predict the future.  If you bet on a certain horse 20 times in a row and he loses, he's bound to win the next race ... no?  If you blow 10 grand at blackjack in Vegas using a certain system, it's bound to turn around and start winning you money ... no?  If your wife has 5 daughters in a row your next kid is bound to be a boy ... no?

BLIND DOG OZZY:   NO!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Apophenia makes gamblers think that there are certain patterns that they can observe and master, giving them the illusion that the big payout is one more hand away.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  What about f***ing Charlie, Charlie ... Oh, S**T!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You may have heard about the Internet phenomenon known as Charlie, Charlie where school kids all f**ked up on Pop Tarts, Red Bull and youthful enthusiasm, cross two pencils over a makeshift grid and contact a demon named Charlie.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wha...?  Demons are supposed to have names like Abadddon, Leviathon and Behemoth -- Charlie is the name of our ice cream vendor who likes young boys!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Charlie, Charlie, while being an entertaining rush at sleepovers, is just a trick which relies on random gusts of air and the ideomotor response of folks playing the game.  Whatever you get can be interpreted an infinite number of ways and is a prime example of your mind looking to find meaning in random patterns.  Looks like someone done invented a cheap version of ouija mixed with dowsing rods and added a shot of urban legend to make it more spooky.  When looking for genuine paranormal activity, all logical scientific explanations must be exhausted before we can get all "Amityville Horror" and start running out the house with nothin' but our drawers on.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Dude, an upside down crucifix dripping with blood just appeared on the living room wall!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  ... R-U-N !!!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  OH, B**CH!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive! 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!  
bluejames61@hotmail.com 
 

I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS: AMERICA'S OTHER RELIGION

"BLUE" JIMMY:  GHOST HUNTER

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I don't know how many times I run into someone who argues that Christianity is America's religion and that all our laws and customs in everyday life should reflect that tradition since our founding fathers intended it that way.  While the debate rages on about prayer in schools, same sex marriage and public buildings displaying Christmas decorations, a lot of folks don't know that in Early America, there was a practice (religion, belief) that was so widespread and heartfelt that it rivaled Christianity in popularity.  This practice was called Spiritualism and its impact can still be felt to this day.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  You seen those movies where people in Civil War era clothes sit around a seance table and do weird s**t to make spirits appear?  Well, that was part of everyday life in the 1800's.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Unlike many religions practiced in this country which have ancient origins in faraway countries, Spiritualism seems to be an American phenomenon which most people believe, had its beginnings in Upstate New York during the 1840's.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Middle and upper class folks had the education and leisure time to either question conventional Christian beliefs or to supplement them with other practices.  The time was right for two catalysts which sparked the Spiritualist movement.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  One was the publication of a book entitled, "The Night Side of Nature" (1848) which was basically a collection of ghost stories compiled by Catherine Crowe, a novelist, playwright and author of children's books who then became an advocate for the supernatural.  This book was so popular that it was reprinted as recently as 2000 and in its time, was a best-seller which popularized the idea of having contact with departed loved ones.  It was also this book which introduced the German word, poltergeist into our language.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The second was the antics of two young girls named Margaret and Kate Fox who also in 1848, began hearing mysterious knocks in their Hydesville, New York farmhouse.  They soon began communicating with the spirit knocker whom they called Mr. Splitfoot and people began filling their house to witness the spectacle.  They were soon discovered by legendary huckster, P.T. Barnum and he had them perform in his American Museum where they were visited by prominent and educated  people (such as novelist James Fenimore Cooper) and became international celebrities.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The Spiritualism movement was on, brother, and it wasn't superstitious hicks that made it so popular but the fact that luminaries and learned men took a keen interest in it.  One of these was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, physician, historian and writer of the Sherlock Holmes series of books.  In 1926 he wrote "The History of Spiritualism."  To have the highly rational, logical-thinking creator of Sherlock Holmes on its side was a boost for Spiritualism.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Among the many colorful figures in the history of Spiritualism is Thomas Lynn Bradford -- a guy who was dying to know what was on the other side!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude, you had to say it!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  In a move reminiscent of the 1990 movie "Flatliners," he committed suicide in 1921 and intended to communicate with Ruth Doran, an assistant, after his death -- I heard she's still waiting... Ooops!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  In a belief system that relied heavily on aural and visual presentation such as knocks, disembodied voices, levitation and ghostly apparitions, There was plenty of room for frauds, tricksters and good ol' con men.


BLIND DOG OZZY:  MEN OF SCIENCE were outraged that such superstition had taken over the minds of the populace and one of the most outspoken was none other than the physicist and master of all things electrical, Michael Faraday, whose research and inventions made electricity a normal part of our lives.  He demonstrated that the ghostly phenomena used by Spiritualist mediums was easily duplicated using simple means available to any genius-level physicist and he was promptly ignored by a public who had latched on to a good thang!  


"BLUE" JIMMY:  It would take more than a stuffy, English scientist to stop this freight train to the afterlife!  Next up was the ultimate trickster, Harry Houdini, who was probably the greatest in a long line of stage magicians who tried to bring American believers to their senses by showing that eerie sounds and table levitations and phantoms floating around the room could be reproduced by tricks that had long been in the repertoire of stage magicians for centuries.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Many mediums were exposed as frauds and even the Fox sisters admitted to using trickery during their "communications" with the other side -- treacherous wenches!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  But that wasn't the end of  Spiritualism.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  It seems that Spiritualism fulfills a human need to communicate with a vague and nebulous afterlife without need for priests, preachers, churches, bibles and the trappings of conventional religion.  You can be hardwired to the Lawd Almighty like two boys in a treehouse with two cans an' a line of string, talkin' an' sharin' an' confessin' and gettin' the answers to your mos' intimate thoughts -- "Why, Lawd?  Oh, Sweet Jesus,why?"  


"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude!  Tone it down!  Today, there are many Spiritualist churches and organizations all over the world (such as the National Spiritualist Association of Churches) but for some reason, mostly in English-speaking countries.  Maybe it's because the movement began in America.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Or maybe it's because English-speaking people are the only ones with enough arrogance, bravado and big, hairy balls mentality to think they can actually talk to the dead!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Whatever the case may be ya'll, Spiritualism no longer relies on ghostly hocus pocus these days, but seems to lean toward a more subtle spiritual experience which requires devotees to believe in something they can't always see and hear which, when you think about it, seems to be a common denominator in almost all religions.  The point is, no religion can claim superiority through proof and no religion can say it's America's official religion.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  An' we ain't even got into Voodoo, paganism and Native American religions which have been a big influence on American life whether people know it or not.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude, don't get me started!   Did you know that when you throw rice at at a wedding it's actually a practice that has its roots in the religion of ancient Rome?  Or how about blowing out the candles on your birthday cake?  That's actually an ancient Greek religious practice.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Yeah, you filthy pagan scum!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  When you get down to brass tacks, I believe we go somewhere when we die but I can't say with any certainty whether we can get emails from the dead or see them on this earthly plane.  Here's the scenario in every "Ghost Hunt" we've ever been on -- (abandoned dark house or building reputedly haunted) Dude# 1:  "You hear anything?"  Dude # 2:  " No ... you?"  Chick # 1:  "It feels creepy in here!"  Chick # 2:  "I wanna go home!"  Dude # 3:  "Let's go get drunk!"

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And then some d**khead forgets to turn on the video camera!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The idea that you can communicate with the departed, whether through seances, ouija boards, ghostly visitations, electronic voice phenomena (EVP) or through the use of pop favorite mediums like James Van Praagh or the late Sylvia Browne is a belief system which has its roots in the Spiritualist movement.  It's obvious that there has been amazing religious diversity in our country's history and you can be sure that the founding fathers never intended a State-sponsored religion.

BLIND DOG OZZY;  Especially when you consider that they were almost all practicing Freemasons!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  That's a whole 'nother article!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The Blues is my religion!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com