Friday, May 22, 2015

I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS: AMERICA'S OTHER RELIGION


"BLUE" JIMMY:  GHOST HUNTER

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I don't know how many times I run into someone who argues that Christianity is America's religion and that all our laws and customs in everyday life should reflect that tradition since our founding fathers intended it that way.  While the debate rages on about prayer in schools, same sex marriage and public buildings displaying Christmas decorations, a lot of folks don't know that in Early America, there was a practice (religion, belief) that was so widespread and heartfelt that it rivaled Christianity in popularity.  This practice was called Spiritualism and its impact can still be felt to this day.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  You seen those movies where people in Civil War era clothes sit around a seance table and do weird s**t to make spirits appear?  Well, that was part of everyday life in the 1800's.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Unlike many religions practiced in this country which have ancient origins in faraway countries, Spiritualism seems to be an American phenomenon which most people believe, had its beginnings in Upstate New York during the 1840's.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Middle and upper class folks had the education and leisure time to either question conventional Christian beliefs or to supplement them with other practices.  The time was right for two catalysts which sparked the Spiritualist movement.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  One was the publication of a book entitled, "The Night Side of Nature" (1848) which was basically a collection of ghost stories compiled by Catherine Crowe, a novelist, playwright and author of children's books who then became an advocate for the supernatural.  This book was so popular that it was reprinted as recently as 2000 and in its time, was a best-seller which popularized the idea of having contact with departed loved ones.  It was also this book which introduced the German word, poltergeist into our language.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The second was the antics of two young girls named Margaret and Kate Fox who also in 1848, began hearing mysterious knocks in their Hydesville, New York farmhouse.  They soon began communicating with the spirit knocker whom they called Mr. Splitfoot and people began filling their house to witness the spectacle.  They were soon discovered by legendary huckster, P.T. Barnum and he had them perform in his American Museum where they were visited by prominent and educated  people (such as novelist James Fenimore Cooper) and became international celebrities.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The Spiritualism movement was on, brother, and it wasn't superstitious hicks that made it so popular but the fact that luminaries and learned men took a keen interest in it.  One of these was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, physician, historian and writer of the Sherlock Holmes series of books.  In 1926 he wrote "The History of Spiritualism."  To have the highly rational, logical-thinking creator of Sherlock Holmes on its side was a boost for Spiritualism.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Among the many colorful figures in the history of Spiritualism is Thomas Lynn Bradford -- a guy who was dying to know what was on the other side!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude, you had to say it!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  In a move reminiscent of the 1990 movie "Flatliners," he committed suicide in 1921 and intended to communicate with Ruth Doran, an assistant, after his death -- I heard she's still waiting... Ooops!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  In a belief system that relied heavily on aural and visual presentation such as knocks, disembodied voices, levitation and ghostly apparitions, There was plenty of room for frauds, tricksters and good ol' con men.


BLIND DOG OZZY:  MEN OF SCIENCE were outraged that such superstition had taken over the minds of the populace and one of the most outspoken was none other than the physicist and master of all things electrical, Michael Faraday, whose research and inventions made electricity a normal part of our lives.  He demonstrated that the ghostly phenomena used by Spiritualist mediums was easily duplicated using simple means available to any genius-level physicist and he was promptly ignored by a public who had latched on to a good thang!  


"BLUE" JIMMY:  It would take more than a stuffy, English scientist to stop this freight train to the afterlife!  Next up was the ultimate trickster, Harry Houdini, who was probably the greatest in a long line of stage magicians who tried to bring American believers to their senses by showing that eerie sounds and table levitations and phantoms floating around the room could be reproduced by tricks that had long been in the repertoire of stage magicians for centuries.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Many mediums were exposed as frauds and even the Fox sisters admitted to using trickery during their "communications" with the other side -- treacherous wenches!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  But that wasn't the end of  Spiritualism.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  It seems that Spiritualism fulfills a human need to communicate with a vague and nebulous afterlife without need for priests, preachers, churches, bibles and the trappings of conventional religion.  You can be hardwired to the Lawd Almighty like two boys in a treehouse with two cans an' a line of string, talkin' an' sharin' an' confessin' and gettin' the answers to your mos' intimate thoughts -- "Why, Lawd?  Oh, Sweet Jesus,why?"  


"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude!  Tone it down!  Today, there are many Spiritualist churches and organizations all over the world (such as the National Spiritualist Association of Churches) but for some reason, mostly in English-speaking countries.  Maybe it's because the movement began in America.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Or maybe it's because English-speaking people are the only ones with enough arrogance, bravado and big, hairy balls mentality to think they can actually talk to the dead!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Whatever the case may be ya'll, Spiritualism no longer relies on ghostly hocus pocus these days, but seems to lean toward a more subtle spiritual experience which requires devotees to believe in something they can't always see and hear which, when you think about it, seems to be a common denominator in almost all religions.  The point is, no religion can claim superiority through proof and no religion can say it's America's official religion.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  An' we ain't even got into Voodoo, paganism and Native American religions which have been a big influence on American life whether people know it or not.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude, don't get me started!   Did you know that when you throw rice at at a wedding it's actually a practice that has its roots in the religion of ancient Rome?  Or how about blowing out the candles on your birthday cake?  That's actually an ancient Greek religious practice.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Yeah, you filthy pagan scum!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  When you get down to brass tacks, I believe we go somewhere when we die but I can't say with any certainty whether we can get emails from the dead or see them on this earthly plane.  Here's the scenario in every "Ghost Hunt" we've ever been on -- (abandoned dark house or building reputedly haunted) Dude# 1:  "You hear anything?"  Dude # 2:  " No ... you?"  Chick # 1:  "It feels creepy in here!"  Chick # 2:  "I wanna go home!"  Dude # 3:  "Let's go get drunk!"

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And then some d**khead forgets to turn on the video camera!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The idea that you can communicate with the departed, whether through seances, ouija boards, ghostly visitations, electronic voice phenomena (EVP) or through the use of pop favorite mediums like James Van Praagh or the late Sylvia Browne is a belief system which has its roots in the Spiritualist movement.  It's obvious that there has been amazing religious diversity in our country's history and you can be sure that the founding fathers never intended a State-sponsored religion.

BLIND DOG OZZY;  Especially when you consider that they were almost all practicing Freemasons!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  That's a whole 'nother article!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The Blues is my religion!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
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