Monday, October 31, 2016

WHEN HELL IS FULL CLOWNS WILL WALK THE EARTH: A STRANGE AND TERRIBLE SAGA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  OCCULT RESEARCHER 




BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The phenomenon started in small town newspapers, made its way to paranormal Internet websites, spread to YouTube and finally made the 6 o'clock news.  People all across the country have reported seeing "creepy" persons dressed as clowns lurking in their area, many times displaying malicious intent.

BLIND DOG OZZY: !!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Clowns have been around since ancient times, appearing in the literature and art of ancient Egypt, China and then making a strong showing in the culture of medieval Europe.  Clowns, court jesters, Pierrots, Harlequins and others held a position of privilege, in that they were they only ones allowed to poke fun at royalty with impunity.  They are often portrayed as mischievous, rude, risque' and sometimes outright nasty in their many incarnations.  How they they became a staple at the circus, family events and children's birthday parties in this country is a bizarre story worth telling.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Here it comes! ...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  During the early 1900's, rodeos in the United States began using clowns to entertain crowds between events or if  some cowboy got gored by a bull and had to be dragged out of the dirt and taken away.  Many of these clowns were severe alcoholics who had to drink a bottle or two of hootch just to get up in the morning and get their makeup on.  They were paid meager wages or sometimes just given booze for their services and often exploited by the rodeo promoters.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  See the movie, "Shakes The Clown" with Bobcat Goldthwait (1991) ... f***ing hilarious!!! 


"BLUE" JIMMY:  At this time entered Sister Tessa Mc Daniels,  a 16 year-old fireball evangelical preacher whose family was involved in the Anti-Saloon League which sought to ban alcohol consumption on the grounds that it was responsible for sin, prostitution and wife beating.  Her fire an' brimstone services in which she would handle poisonous snakes and bang on the piano with her hands and feet predating Jerry Lee Lewis, made her a huge attraction in the 20's in the Midwest and Southern states where she traveled with various medicine shows. 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  For those who don't know, a medicine show was a traveling show which went from town to town in rural areas and featured:  Blues and Ragtime musicians; Hula dancers; sideshow performers and various freakish, novelty acts who would bring in good-sized, curious crowds.  Then "snake oil" peddlers would go around the crowd and sell medicines which would supposedly cure all sorts of ailments.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude!  This made the Mc Daniels family a good profit, considering the fact that the pretty, red-headed, fair-skinned Tessa often stole the show with her musical antics and the fact that during her fiery sermons, her blouse would often come open and reveal a hint of ample bosom which was not considered sinful since it was within the context of bringing sinners to The Lord.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Yeah!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The Mc Daniels family, which consisted of father Jedediah, mother Sarah, son Jacob and Tessa had started an offshoot of the Anti-Saloon League called the Gentlemen Of Mirth, which was very much a precursor to AA in the fact that they would seethe against the evils of alcohol and offer comfort and biblical advice to many, including a disproportionate number of rodeo clowns who wandered in off the country roads just to get a hot meal and a cup of coffee.  They were fueled by the biblical passage in Ecclesiastes 3:4, which says there is, "a time to weep and a time to laugh."  Clowns were encouraged to wear full makeup and costumes in meetings and testify in public as clowns. When daughter Tessa would put on her flamboyant sermons at the medicine shows, the rodeo clowns would then move through the crowd and hawk the Mc Daniels' secret recipe called "The Elixer," which was said to cure everything from baldness to nervous disorders to infertility.  The main ingredient in "The Elixer" was laudanum, an opium extract which was highly addictive ... 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  ...  And could seriously, f**k you up!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Add to this the fact that many of the rodeo clowns were less than attentive about the evils of alcohol, wore lead-based, toxic greasepaint on their faces which is known to cause mental disorders and were said to partake heavily in "The Elixer" in after-sermon gatherings around the bonfire and you have ...

BLIND DOG OZZY: ... A bunch of stoned, clown-faced, Bozo motherf**kers!!!


"BLUE" JIMMY:  Of course, you know the rest of the story ... Tessa was found to have "clowned around" one time too many with the rodeo clowns and was pregnant at 16.  Her parents tried to cash in on her fertile status by saying that her pregnancy was a miraculous virgin conception but not even country hicks were buying it.  She ran off with one of the clowns and ended up in Los Angeles, CA in the mid 20's to become a disciple of Aimee Semple Mc Pherson, a Pentecostal evangelist preacher who was a pioneer in the use of the press, the telephone and the radio to get her message to the masses.  Tessa's work in the Foursquare Church which Mc Pherson founded, was much more subdued and modest than her own ministry back home.  That is until the alleged kidnapping of Mc Pherson occurred, in which she claimed she was abducted from Venice Beach, taken to Sonora Mexico, held for ransom and tortured in a shack until she escaped and walked through the desert for hours and ended up back across the border in Douglas, Arizona. When Mc Pherson was brought back to Los Angeles, many thought her story was a hoax and that she had run off with some swinging dick to have one of her many alleged affairs.  There was a grand jury inquiry and she was eventually let off the hook due to lack of evidence but many still believed she was a religious diva who took advantage of her followers and indulged in pleasures of the flesh on a regular basis.  Young Tessa was implicated in the scandal due to her own dalliances in her former life and she was forced to flee the media circus and return home.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  They always return to the scene of the crime!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  When Tessa returned to her family's home, she found that the ministry her family had started was in shambles and the Gentlemen Of Mirth had returned to their former ways and worse.  Now drunk, disillusioned  and addicted to laudanum, they turned to  thievery, gay prostitution and sick, twisted antics to feed their addiction.  Examples of this included biting the heads off of chickens, jumping into sewage tanks and putting impossible objects up their rectums for the entertainment of bored and whiskey-soaked ranch hands who paid a few bucks to see these clowns degrade themselves.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I've done worse!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The clowns' association with children's birthday entertainment is even more bizarre.  A certain U.S. Senator Satchel P Wharton (R) Arkansas, was found to have been a huge fan of the debauched former rodeo clowns and hired a troupe of them to put on a show at a his adopted daughter's 7th birthday party at his mansion in Fayetteville.  The children were horrified but the horde of drunk politicians at the party went into hysterics and soon every well-to-do socialite wanted a troupe of geek clowns at their kids' birthday party to provide raunchy fare in the guise of children's party fun.  Eventually, it was discovered that Senator Wharton had an extensive library of exotic photos which featured clowns and children in acts which would be considered child pornography today.  However, since child pornography laws were not enacted in the United States until the 1970's, he evaded legal prosecution but his mansion was burned to the ground by enraged parents and he was executed by a lynch mob and no one was ever brought to trial for his death.  Still, clowns are considered a necessity at birthday parties even though their antics are aimed more at adults three-sheets-to-the-wind, rather than children.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Filthy s**tbag!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  How the clowns came to start wandering remote wooded areas is a story in itself.  In his book "Shadow Of The Sentinel:  One Man's Quest To Find The Hidden Treasure Of The Confederacy" (2003) author Bob Brewer tells the incredible story of how after the Civil War, the Confederate States planned to wage a Second Civil War.  To do this, they needed massive amounts of funding which was in no shortage due to wealthy American and European families and organizations who had a vested interest in seeing the formation of a Rebel Nation.  He also brings forth the theory that the legendary outlaw Billy The Kid and his gang committed their robberies to help fund this war and never profited personally, from all the money they took.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  A s**tload of money!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Logistically, this was a huge problem since royal amounts of cash, valuables and gold and silver could not be kept in a bank or someone's house.  It had to be hidden until it could be recovered for use in the Second Civil War.  The Knights Of The Golden Circle (a precursor to the KKK) had some of the best engineering minds in Europe come across the Atlantic and build underground vaults and trapdoor-ridden, hiding places for all this treasure.  Of course, this cache of wealth had to have some sort of recovery system for people who might have to access it at regular intervals.  A coded method of symbols was developed which was cut into trees, rocks and any landscape which could help point the way to any buried  loot.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Gimme my money, b**ch!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Author, Bob Brewer claims that when he was a kid, he remembers certain relatives riding up and down Southern roads on horseback "on watch" for something or other, later learning that they were sentinels sworn to protect this treasure.  As he explains in his book, this duty was passed down from generation to generation and probably still continues to this day.  Then during the worst part of the Great Depression, which was so accurately portrayed in John Steinbeck's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel "The Grapes Of Wrath," (1939) a rodeo clown by the name of Buford Allen Platchford went through Dust Bowl ravaged farms and ranches and organized legions of down an' out men in his trade to search and recover buried caches of gold and silver coins and other valuables, using the coded system that only Platchford understood.  As a badge of honor, they persisted in wearing clown makeup and clothes during these endeavors and it was also handy in concealing their identities during these treasure raids.  While they never found the big vaults of treasure that were said to be buried in wooded areas all over the South, they did find handfuls of gold and silver coins and trinkets which was enough to keep them fed and equipped for many years during The Great Depression.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Someone had to pay for those big shoes and big, red noses!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You may find it hard to believe that an organization of clowns has persisted to the present day but it is not unusual for strange brotherhoods to endure for generations:  The Freemasons; The KKK; Skull And Bones ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  ... Costco Buyers Club!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Why are the clowns appearing on such a frequent basis now?  Because you  are looking for them.  They were always there but due to the advent of the Internet and social media, their sightings are magnified a hundred-fold.  In the early 80's, before the Internet and the popularization of home computers, there was a spate of "evil clown" sightings all over the U.S. which were logged into official police reports and looked into by investigative reporters such as myself.  Journalists discovered that these sightings were being reported all over the country but police departments in those stone-age days, did not have the technical resources to communicate with each other and share information.  In other words, police departments all over the country thought that this was a local phenomenon happening only in their jurisdiction.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And they had donuts to eat!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The clowns were described as typical circus and birthday clowns but were all said to have a distinctive, candy cane design down the side of their pants.  They rode in white utility vans and tried many times, to lure children into the vans.  Due to the efforts of certain journalists who tied the clown sightings together in ways that law enforcement was unable to do, the story was about to break nationwide.  Then something happened.  President Ronald Reagan, only 69 days in office, was the victim of an assassination attempt by a mentally ill gunman.  His near-death and recovery and the prosecution of his attempted assassin, dominated every news outlet for the next year or so.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The Evil Clown story was dead! 

"BLUE" JIMMY:  An interesting reprise of this type of story is depicted in the 2015 Academy Award-winning film, "Spotlight" which tells the true story of a group of investigative reporters at The Boston Globe newspaper who were about to break a story about a massive conspiracy by the Catholic Church to cover up unholy amounts of child sexual abuse by priests in the Boston area.  After exhausting amounts of research and interviews, the story was about to explode when something else exploded ... namely the Pentagon and The Twin Towers in the 911 attacks.  Every reporter on the Boston Globe was put on the 911 story and subsequent events and the Catholic Church coverup story was put on hold for months.  Fortunately, the reporters were eventually able to get back on track and the story made headlines worldwide, forcing the Catholic Church to take punitive actions against hundreds of priests.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Bastards!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Unfortunately, there has been no such successful followup on the Evil Clown story and anyone who has commented on it is immediately branded a conspiracy-theorist, nutcase.  The best information my sources can come up with is that many of these clowns have given up on finding that big score of Confederate treasure and have once again turned to 
criminal pursuits.  This includes involvement in a billion dollar drug and child trafficking ring which dates back to the days of The Process Church Of The Final Judgement, The Manson Family and The Son Of Sam/David Berkowitz murders.


BLIND DOG OZZY:  Nice!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Also, remember that the traditional clown makeup that we see in modern times was first worn by travelling entertainers in 14th century Europe to mimic the symptoms of the Black Plague:  pale face; red, runny nose; spotted cheeks ... they would amuse villages full of dying people by poking fun at their diseased appearance.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Let's laugh until we die!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  So there you have it.  Clowns are seriously f**ked up people with a long and lurid history of drugged and drunken perversion and mayhem.  Just what you want at your next birthday party for your little prince or princess.


BLIND DOG OZZY:  OH, S**T!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Oh, and we should tell you, this blog is our  Fun Halloween Puzzle for all our readers ... 99% of it is absolute historical fact ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  ... And 1% we pulled out of our ass!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You find out how much is true!  Happy Googling and oh, one more thing ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Happy Halloween!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!


BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow! Wow!
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