HELL OF A HALLOWEEN!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  HALLOWEINER

BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  People often ask me why I celebrate Halloween so enthusiastically.  "Do you want to be a kid again?" they ask.  "Do you like costumes and candy?"  they ask again, before they get an earful from the MASTER OF HALLOWEEN!!!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And that one guy at the Halloween store who got an elbow to the throat!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The lowdown is, Halloween is the most ancient holiday celebrated in the Western World.  Before kids came knockin' at yer door looking for a Snickers Bar, this time of year was celebrated by The Ancient Ones as the end of the lunar year.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  The New Year's Rockin' Eve for those ancient people who were close to the earth and followed seasonal cycles!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Ancient people developed the idea that on the the last day of the year, barriers between this world and the next were lifted and it was considered prime time for divination, fortune telling and necromancy ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Communication with the dead!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Ancestor worship is common in many parts of the world and people go apes**t at this time of year to honor The Dead.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Dude, don't go to East L.A. this time of year! ... People put on that Dia de Los Muertos makeup all over their face and remind me of my Tia Marta with a hangover!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  All Halloween traditions such as putting on costumes, playing pranks, trick or treating and doing scary s**t have origins that date at least to the middle ages or further.  Here's a few Halloween traditions that aren't so kiddie - like in origin:     

•  Scary costumes -- Since people believed that souls of dead people were passing through this world on the way to the next, putting on scary masks and costumes were thought to repel annoying, unwanted spirits from around your house -- Who wants a bunch of dead people hanging around?
• Jack o' lanterns -- A man named Jack tricks and then makes a deal with Satan to never take his soul, so upon his death, he was too wicked to go to heaven and couldn't go to hell so Satan made him wander this world holding a lantern made from a turnip with a burning coal from Hell inside.
• Witches flying on brooms -- Actual witches were experts on the use of medicinal herbs and plants and would produce an ointment from the toxic belladonna plant which would produce the sensation of flying if absorbed into the mucus membranes.  The best way to do this was to smear the ointment on a broomstick and straddle it and allow the hallucinogenic ointment to absorb into the witch's vagina.  Thus, the image of a witch straddling a broomstick and "flying."  

 BLIND DOG OZZY:  WTF!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The point is, Halloween did not originate as a harmless kiddie holiday but has deep, ancient, strange and exotic origins and continues to evolve and add various practices to this day -- There is a sense that anything can happen on this night!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  And if you scare the s**t out of the neighborhood kids good enough and they're afraid to come into your yard, you have lots of leftover candy for yourself!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!  And Happy Halloween!!!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
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